I Had It

I had it all figured out.
It may have taken a while,
But I had it, I had it.
Its gone now.
The urge I had to seek and learn.....
its gone, dissipated.
I thought I felt that love,
I thought I was all for it.
Then I left my new surroundings...
I came back to old ones.
Ones that never did any good for me.
What can man do for me?
He can do nothing, he has nothing.
But me...oh I had something.
Something extraordinary, amazing....
new and improved.
It was just....love....
From someone special,
from someone who cares.
And now, as I sit here writing,
I'm doubting I ever had it.
I'm doubting that was ever me.

"I go about blackened, but not by the sun;
I stand up in the assembly and cry for help.
I have become a brother of jackals,
a companion of owls.
My skin grows black and peels;
my body burns with fever.
My lyre is turned to mourning,
and my pipe to the sound of wailing."
-Job 30:28-31

This seems to me that this person is suffering. They need God more than anything. They've dug themselves in a hole, and they keep digging deeper. There is no way out. God is the only way and He is coming to our rescue. He came to mine and I fully believe that a prayer can put anyone at peace. I know thats what prayer does for me. When I pray and ask God to help me through something, He provides for me. Cast all your cares on the Lord.

"Your love can make these things better" - Jars of Clay
That is so true. I feel I am repeating myself with everything I write because it all comes down to one factor...God's love for you. He wants you to wake up. He wants you to love him back as much as He loves you.

"If I have walked with falsehood
or my foot has hurried after deceit-
let God weigh me in honest scales
and He will know that I am blameless-
if my steps have turned from the path,
if my heart has been led by my eyes,
or if my hands have been defiled,
then may others eat what I have sown,
and my crops be uprooted."
-Job 31:5-8

"When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord;
he brought me into a spacious place.
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can human beings do to me?"
-Psalm 118

The Lord is watching over us.
He will never let us fall,
no harm will come of us.
He loves us.
God loves us,
through everything I do,
He is there.
He will never leave me
nor forsake me.
The Lord is my strength and my defense;
He has become my salvation.

I find it amazing that God can be so patient while he waits for us to accept him. He waits and he keeps knocking on our hearts. And when we finally fall to our knees before Him, I see Him with the biggest smile on His face. I picture Him being the happiest he's ever been. And then he scoops us up into His arms and holds us like a Father does. I feel lucky to have God. I'm ecstatic that He says, "Yeah, you've sinned. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But I still love you with all that I have." Why do we resist that love? It's an amazing and powerful love that is so strong. It cannot be broken by worldly things. That love has always been there. We just have to open our eyes, see it, and embrace it.

"For great is His love towards us
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord."
-Psalm 117

It's right around the corner.

"Suddenly, in an instant,
the Lord Almighty will
come with thunder and earthquake and great noise,
with windstorm and tempest and flames of a devouring fire."
- Isaiah - Chapter 29

I believe He is coming back. I feel it right around the corner. God is working in my life for a reason. I'm being called out for something and I pray its something extraordinary. I can't wait for the day when the trumpets sound and I am pulled up to heaven to live eternity with You. It will be like nothing no one has ever experienced. They will all be overcome with amazement and confusion when they are left behind. I believe its getting closer everyday. With all the natural disasters happening so often. I think God is trying to warn us, if you will...like just let us know the day is approaching. I see Him saying, "Hey! It's about to happen. Be ready." And I'm so ready for it.

He is coming back,
I can feel it....
right around the corner.
Pain will be no more.
I will need nothing,
want nothing.
It will be constant worship.
People will be singing and praising
every second of everyday.
He will be my place of refuge,
I will be with Him for eternity.
And I cannot wait for that day.

"Be stunned and amazed,
blind yourselves and be sightless;
be drunk, but not from wine,
stagger, but not from beer.
The Lord has brought over you a deep sleep:
He has sealed your eyes (the prophets);
He has covered your heads (the seers)."

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make out to be a liar and his word is not in us."
--1st John chapter 1

God wants us to learn from his teachings. By searching and reading, we learn who he is. We learn about a new God. One who is loving and caring but much different from the one most churches make God out to be. Our churches are stereotypical and judgmental. The modern "Christian" does not live like Christ. Jesus wasn't judgmental when he was walking around the Earth. He accepted people for who they were. He wasn't stereotypical at all. He saw the people as His people, as his children. We are the sheep and he is the shepherd. He should be leading us to a better life. We are to die to our past selves. Be born again and become new, different....changed. He does not look at me and say American. He does not look at someone from Britain and say British. Jesus loves us...no matter what color or race. When we accept him, we are automatically accepted into the Kingdom of God. How awesome is He! How wonderful is it to know that we are His children...that he accepts us for what we are. God is my Father and my Creator. And he has been trying to tell me this for a very long time. And finally my eyes have been opened and my heart is open to God. I was blind to what Jesus was doing to me. Then it all just clicked. My eyes were opened to the things unseen. As old a hymn as Amazing Grace is, it does a wonderful job explaining how it is when God calls your name and you finally hear it. You finally understand everything. While making that change isn't easy. It takes hard work and dedication. But if you pray, things will work out. God never came out and said it was easy. He just said he would be there by our side until the end of time. He said he would take care of us.

"I am writing to you, young people,
because you are strong and
the word of God lives in you
and you have overcame the evil one."

Don't Forget About Me

You keep asking me to stay....
if only for one more week.
It hurts me so bad to say no.
I want to say yes.
I yearn to be here to help you out.
To be a good aunt and take good care of you.
I love you. I want to give you advice when you need it.
Just remember, I'm only a phone call away.
I will always take time to talk to you.
You are growing so fast...
I'm afraid I will miss it all.
Just the other day when we were swimming....
you decided to go under...all by yourself.
If I tried to help you out....you said no Mary.
I can do it all by myself.
It breaks my heart when you tell me you no longer need my help.
I know it breaks your mom's heart too.
We want you to stay young...
where everything is a new adventure
and doing things by yourself is a big step.
When the time comes....
and your grown.....
don't forget about me.

Cry Out

I cry out for love
I cry out for happiness
I cry out for you
I cry out for your truth
I cry out for peace
I cry out for a dream
Hold me, Father...forever.

Love like Christ

As I was reading The Message today....I came across something beautiful and extraordinary. It really opened my eyes to how God loves us.
"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love . Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that."
This is from Ephesians, chapter four.
That is pretty much telling us all we have to do is love God and He will do the rest. It may seem easier said than done. And yes, we will all sin...but if you believe in God and you read his word and continue seeking. God will see that and He will know you are devoted by the way your heart is breaking for him. If all you need is God, why do we have so many other things? Phones, computers, food, money.....
We need none of that. All we need is God...and He will provide for us. All we must do is love like He has loved us and all our problems will be solved. He is almighty and all powerful. He is Christ and He is my Savior.
"Wake up from your sleep
climb out of your coffins
Christ will show you the light!"

You walk to your car,
you get in,
and drive away.
You drive,
you notice no one,
your focused
and intertwined in all your own thoughts.
You are asleep...
You look at the world as if nothing is wrong,
as if your life is perfect,
as if no one but you matters.
Wake up! Snap out of it!
I do not see the way you do.
I believe our world is broken,
everything a blur,
no one stops,
I never stop,
I never slow down.
Hurry....late......hurry.....
This echoes in my head.
Why?
Why does it matter if I am late?
There must be a reason...
to satisfy or to please.
Maybe to be recognized.
I want to say no....
stand up,
change the world,
be someone.....
"Love one another," He says.
"Love your Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind," He says.
We do not listen. He tells us the answer.....but we do NOT listen to the Lord Jesus Christ....
Almighty.....All Powerful.
I will never understand how we do not understand His love..
His compassion for us and only us.