I Had It

I had it all figured out.
It may have taken a while,
But I had it, I had it.
Its gone now.
The urge I had to seek and learn.....
its gone, dissipated.
I thought I felt that love,
I thought I was all for it.
Then I left my new surroundings...
I came back to old ones.
Ones that never did any good for me.
What can man do for me?
He can do nothing, he has nothing.
But me...oh I had something.
Something extraordinary, amazing....
new and improved.
It was just....love....
From someone special,
from someone who cares.
And now, as I sit here writing,
I'm doubting I ever had it.
I'm doubting that was ever me.